| Famous Funny Quotations |
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Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
Anonymous
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There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
Will Rogers
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I had a dream last night, I was eating a ten pound marshmallow. I woke up this morning and the pillow was gone.
Tommy Cooper
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I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
W.C. Fields
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How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.
Spike Milligan
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My neighbor asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
Eric Morecambe
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
Tommy Cooper
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"Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up."
James Baldwin
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Be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be, since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be.
Thomas a Kempis
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Anybody can become angry, that is easy; but to be angry with the right person, and to the right degree, and at the right time, and for the right purpose, and in the right way, that is not within everybody's power, that is not easy.
Aristotle
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